Health & Fitness Is Hookup Culture Putting An End To Anniversaries?

15:31  12 july  2018
15:31  12 july  2018 Source:   msn.com

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A hookup culture is one that accepts and encourages casual sexual encounters, including one-night stands and other related activity, without necessarily including emotional bonding or long-term

Today, Donna Freitas' new book, The End of Sex: How Hookup Culture is Leaving a Generation Unhappy, Sexually Unfulfilled, and Confused About Intimacy will be published by Basic Books. Her scathing (and, at times, moralistic)

a man in a blue shirt: Refinery29 © Photographed by Renell Medrano. Refinery29

Most of the couples I know didn't start out as couples. Instead, they "hooked up" for several months and eventually found themselves in relationships. One friend was hooking up with her now-boyfriend for over a year when she heard that he had slept with someone else and gave him an ultimatum: they'd either be in a relationship or stop hooking up altogether. He counts the day she gave him the ultimatum as their anniversary, while she usually tells people they've been together since the first time they hooked up.

Another friend can't really pinpoint a time when she and her now-boyfriend stopped hooking up and started being a couple. It just kind of happened, and because they never DTR (defined the relationship), they don't have an official anniversary. My girlfriend and I also had a complicated path to our relationship. We hooked up for four months before she asked me to make it official. We count our anniversary as the day we DTR, but we could just as easily count it as the day of our first date (which would make our relationship significantly longer).

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“To put it crudely, feminist progress right now largely depends on the existence of a hookup culture . Months after things had ended between us, Ben said, “I didn’t think of you as a human being while we were hooking up .”

Some even ran up to hotel rooms together to go farther Is it stupid to have morals against making out with strangers? Do you believe hookup culture has eliminated the possibility of dating?!

Maybe it seems weird that my friends and I have such similar stories, but it's a product of how we grew up. We're in full swing of a hookup culture, where it's expected that we'll have casual sexual relationships, at least until things don't feel so casual anymore. And if we're at all indicative of larger trends, this kind of hookup culture is changing the way we think about anniversaries.

  Is Hookup Culture Putting An End To Anniversaries? © Getty But that's not really shocking, says Lisa Wade, PhD, a professor of sociology and author of American Hookup. Hookup culture is just the latest iteration of dating, which changes all the time. In fact, people didn't really have anniversaries (apart from their wedding anniversaries) until the 1950s, she says. We have the idea of "going steady," meaning that it's normal to have a long-term monogamous relationship before getting married, because of World War II. "The New York Times was telling young women that they lost 800,000 men in World War II," she says. And that's true. Lots of men died, many married women from overseas, and many came back knowing that they were gay because they were able to explore their sexuality while at war. "There was a big media push telling young women that they better nail down their guys early, because if they didn't get a guy they'd be an old biddy for life," Dr. Wade says. "So women invented going steady to try to make up for all the men that were gone."

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“Ukrainian,” Alex confirms. “She works at—” He says the name of a high- end art auction house. “When I see limp dicks coming at me I’m like, Oh my God,” says Courtney, putting her fingers in the sign “Some people still catch feelings in hookup culture ,” said Meredith, the Bellarmine sophomore.

You will never be satisfied when you waste your time with the wrong guys instead of looking for the right ones. It is a game and no one is winning, so it’s time to put an end to this. The hookup culture is making cowards afraid of commitment and it is turning us into dating phonies.

And with going steady, we got anniversaries. So it makes sense that with another big change in dating culture, now focusing on casual relationships instead of serious ones, we'd start to see the idea of anniversaries change again.

While hookup culture seems like a really new thing, it's been around since the 1990s, Dr. Wade says. And it's a product of women who were raised with the feminist ideals of Baby Boomers, who wanted women to be able to do what men could do. "The daughters of those boomers, their whole life, get taught that it's okay if you want to be girly, but it's cooler if you want to be boyish. And it might even be what liberation looks like," Dr. Wade says. When those women went to college, they applied that logic to sex and started having casual relationships.

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"To put it crudely, feminist progress right now largely depends on the existence of the hookup culture ," Hanna Rosin writes in a new piece for The Atlantic, excerpted from her upcoming book, The End of Men: And the Rise of Women.

That's the argument of a provocative new book, "The End of Sex: How Hookup Culture is Leaving a Generation Unhappy, Sexually Unfulfilled, and Confused About Intimacy." Not only are more college students hooking up -- kissing, making out and having sex

Some might use that fact to poo-poo hookup culture, and talk about how it's ruining love. But that would be a disservice, Dr. Wade says. Sure, there are problems with a hyper-masculine hookup culture that decides who is and isn't desirable (often, fat people, people with disabilities, and many other marginalised groups get the short stick). But, the relationship baby steps that hookup culture has created are actually kind of smart. "In retrospect, it makes the other kind of dating culture, where you go from having a few dates to suddenly being boyfriend and girlfriend seem really rash, right? That's a big step to take all at once," Dr. Wade says.

In comparison, the hookup culture strategy is much safer. People who wind up in relationships now spend a lot of time considering the relationship first (while enjoying all of the benefits of casual sex). "It problematises the picking of a day, sure. But it also reveals how artificial the picking of the day always was," Dr. Wade says. "And how it's really just a social construction that we're supposed to have a day in the first place." And if anniversaries are a social construct, anyway, does it really matter if you have one?

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